Precious Moments with Dad Pt.2

It was about 2 years after the infamous Star Tours incident and Disney had just opened its California Adventure park. Since its practically a new theme park, my family and I decided it would be a good idea to just hang out at Disneyland for a couple of days and hit up both parks.

Because it was the only week that we could all get time off work, we ended up going around mid July. I guess this time of year is peak season for Disneyland because the place was fucking packed…I’m talking 2-3 hour waits for every damn ride in the park. Even the fuckin teacups had a 2 hour wait. Luckily my dad had just had a heart attack like a month earlier so he was now legally considered handicapped. Now I don’t know if anyone reading this has been to a theme park with a handicapped person, but let me just tell you it FUCKIN ROCKS! You basically get to cut to the front of any line and only wait like 5 minutes to get on the ride. So yeah… I highly suggest that next time you go to any theme park take a cripple with you.

Anyway…We must have been in the park all of 10 minutes and my sister decides that she wants to go on Splash Mountain which is on the complete opposite end of the park. So we make our way over to the ride and about half way there my dad is already winded. After stopping to get dad a frozen lemonade and a churro, we get to the ride. We immediately cut in front of everyone and we are on the ride within 3 minutes.

Let me just give you a quick summation of the Splash Mountain ride just in case you have never been. You’re basically on a log ride going through underground caves with cute little animatronic bunnies, turtles, and birds singing on either side of you. I must say its fuckin adorable. The only excitement from the ride comes in the form of 2 drops. The first one sucks ass…its only like one story fall and you can totally see it coming. The second drop on the other hand is fairly descent. 10-12 stories…sumthin like that…pretty cool for a Disney ride.

So with that in mind we all piled into one log and the ride starts. Now my mom, dad and I aren’t exactly the smallest people in the world, so naturally our fucking log starts scrapping and bottoming out throughout the entire ride. Our fucking log was dragging so much ass logs that left well after us caught up and were bumping into us. But this wasn’t nearly embarrassing enough.

Eventually we get to the greatly anticipated second drop. I was stoked. If there is one good thing about exceeding the weight limit on a log ride its that your gonna get one hell of a splash once you touch down. Only problem was that when our fat ass log hit the bottom of the drop instead of gently skidding on the surface of the water, ours fuckin slams down and damn near shoots my little sister right the fuck out. Well folks… I guess that impact was just a little too much for my dad because right there on Splash Mountain amongst all the cuddly animatronic critters my good ol dad has another heart attack.

To Be Continued…