10 Things I Did Today

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Precious Moments with Dad Pt.2

It was about 2 years after the infamous Star Tours incident and Disney had just opened its California Adventure park. Since its practically a new theme park, my family and I decided it would be a good idea to just hang out at Disneyland for a couple of days and hit up both parks.

Because it was the only week that we could all get time off work, we ended up going around mid July. I guess this time of year is peak season for Disneyland because the place was fucking packed…I’m talking 2-3 hour waits for every damn ride in the park. Even the fuckin teacups had a 2 hour wait. Luckily my dad had just had a heart attack like a month earlier so he was now legally considered handicapped. Now I don’t know if anyone reading this has been to a theme park with a handicapped person, but let me just tell you it FUCKIN ROCKS! You basically get to cut to the front of any line and only wait like 5 minutes to get on the ride. So yeah… I highly suggest that next time you go to any theme park take a cripple with you.

Anyway…We must have been in the park all of 10 minutes and my sister decides that she wants to go on Splash Mountain which is on the complete opposite end of the park. So we make our way over to the ride and about half way there my dad is already winded. After stopping to get dad a frozen lemonade and a churro, we get to the ride. We immediately cut in front of everyone and we are on the ride within 3 minutes.

Let me just give you a quick summation of the Splash Mountain ride just in case you have never been. You’re basically on a log ride going through underground caves with cute little animatronic bunnies, turtles, and birds singing on either side of you. I must say its fuckin adorable. The only excitement from the ride comes in the form of 2 drops. The first one sucks ass…its only like one story fall and you can totally see it coming. The second drop on the other hand is fairly descent. 10-12 stories…sumthin like that…pretty cool for a Disney ride.

So with that in mind we all piled into one log and the ride starts. Now my mom, dad and I aren’t exactly the smallest people in the world, so naturally our fucking log starts scrapping and bottoming out throughout the entire ride. Our fucking log was dragging so much ass logs that left well after us caught up and were bumping into us. But this wasn’t nearly embarrassing enough.

Eventually we get to the greatly anticipated second drop. I was stoked. If there is one good thing about exceeding the weight limit on a log ride its that your gonna get one hell of a splash once you touch down. Only problem was that when our fat ass log hit the bottom of the drop instead of gently skidding on the surface of the water, ours fuckin slams down and damn near shoots my little sister right the fuck out. Well folks… I guess that impact was just a little too much for my dad because right there on Splash Mountain amongst all the cuddly animatronic critters my good ol dad has another heart attack.

To Be Continued…

33 Comments:

  • OMG!! I can't believe your dad got on rides a month after a heart attack! Doesn't the sign say something like no heart condition, pregnant women, or people who fart alot? ;). And thanks for the advice about taking a cripple... but let me know if you ever have to walk around with an oxygen tank and one of those tubes up your nose, okay?

    By Blogger Jaded Maniac, at 10:56 PM  

  • LMAO.. so fucking funny, but at the same time it's not. I sooo needed that!!

    By Blogger evilness, at 7:08 AM  

  • that was halarious

    i'm really glad your dad is ok (i assume?!!?)

    i love your family

    i want to be adopted in

    By Blogger Marilyndrew, at 8:34 AM  

  • LOL... continue! continue!

    I thought the ending was going to be that you got stuck at the top right before the drop because your log was too heavy :P

    By Blogger Quyen, at 9:25 AM  

  • OMG...

    By Blogger grace, at 11:47 AM  

  • WTH? i hate cliff hangers! continue already! and why is dad going on rides after he just had a heartattack?

    By Blogger AmerAzn, at 11:51 AM  

  • Hell I can't get half my family on a tea cup ride let alone a 12 story drop ride.. So for your dad to tackle it after heart problems, he so deserves the "BIG DADDY" award.

    By Blogger - Jules -, at 12:25 PM  

  • awww, i hate cliffhangers, too.

    hilarious story.

    By Blogger Kis Lee, at 1:50 PM  

  • dude! You can't leave us hangin like dat! So wrong.

    By Blogger duckie, at 11:54 PM  

  • JM: No one ever said my dad is the brightest bulb on the tree. Besides who would think Splash Mountain could give someone a heart attack?? Yeah they had to put in that “and people who fart allot” line in the sign after the Star Tours incident. Apparently that was one of the stipulations that the victims families required in the court settlement.

    Evilness: I thought it was funny as hell too…after the embarrassment faded away that is.

    MM: Yeah my dads cool.. To tell you the truth Im starting to think he likes having heart attacks. He gets to be babied and take a couple weeks off work. Not a bad deal huh?

    Sure only two requirements to be part of my family. One is you have cant be cool at all. If you are just a little bit cool stepping foot into public with my dad will ruin you for life. Number two is you have to like to eat. If you meet those reqirements welcome to the family.

    Q: I wish the ending was that easy… It way more embarrassing than that

    Barb: I loved Cliffhanger… Stallone was a genius in that movie ;P

    Jules: BIG DADDY award… sounds like a porn award

    LE: Stallone…. Genius

    Duckie: My bad… I’ll post part 3 either later today or tomorrow. Its long fuckin story and I have ADD so I cant type too long without looking at porn.

    By Blogger Kiss Me Im Italian, at 3:42 PM  

  • It’s actually not ADD it's PDS (porn deficiency syndrome) it affects many young men in our country. Don't be ashamed.

    By Blogger duckie, at 10:37 PM  

  • OMG! Is it wrong that I am laughing so very hard right now?
    www.luvsexytrstno1.com

    By Blogger Anna, at 2:22 AM  

  • You're hilarious Larry! Can I add you to my blog roll, puh-lease?! I'm new and only have 3 others, so it would really help me look cool..;)

    By Blogger Jaded Maniac, at 9:18 AM  

  • duckie: ahhh...ok. So thats why my doctor wrote me a perscription for lotion and not Ritalin

    Anna: no its cool... hes my dad and I still laugh at him regularly

    Jade: Of course you can add me to your Blogroll...I dont know if it will make you look cool though. In fact it may actually do the opposite

    By Blogger Kiss Me Im Italian, at 9:58 AM  

  • dude... are you alive or what?

    By Blogger grace, at 1:30 PM  

  • Barely...Im sick as hell right now :(

    And even though Im on my death bed I still posted for you guys.

    By Blogger Kiss Me Im Italian, at 3:06 PM  

  • i would so fit in

    let the stalking begin ... ;)

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    Here is another good site I said I would pass along.
    Disney Cruise
    Thanks

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