10 Things I Did Today

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Questions From Grace

Last fucking time I ever agree to play in one of Grace's games ;P


1. how old were you when you got your first woody?

How the fuck am I supposed to know? Ive been pitching tents for as long as I can remember. Its not like a boner one day and wrote it down in my diary.

Deer Dieary ;

Tuday my pee pee got hard fore no reezun. I hope I dunt dye!

You should have asked me when I discovered masturbation. I have that fucking date committed to memory. I send my hand flowers and chocolates for its anniversary every year.

2. have you ever had a 3some? please. expound. (muwahaha.)

There...are...I said there are...so many amendments in the constitution of the United States of Americaaaaaaaaaa. If I can only choose one! If I can only choooooose oooooonnnne! I plead the fif! *pound pound* I plead the fif! * pound pound*
Five! One, two, three, four, fiiiiiiiiiif! Anything you say fiiiiiiiiiif! Go ahead ask me a question……..fiiiiiiiif!

3. would you rather take it in the ass from a small-dicked man or from a SUPER HOT CHICK with an english accent with a VERY LARGE strap-on?

I hate you so much Grace ;p …That one is easy though…Id take it from the SUPER HOT English chick. You see if I were to take it up the poop shoot from a Super Hot chick with a strap-on I would technically still be considered heterosexual. And as we all know I would rather be beaten to death with wet fallopian tubes than be considered a gay.

4. what's your favorite flavor of cheesecake?

Fuck… now that’s though question! … Um Id have to say cherry… no strawberry… no no mango. Fuck who am I kidding you can put some pigs feet on a piece of cheesecake and I wouldn’t turn it down.

5. what's the proudest moment in your life?

How the fuck did this question get in here? OK this is going to be really sappy so be prepared.

I was about 14 and my grandpa and I were playing our weekly game of dominoes. My Nano and I really didn’t have much in common except for dominoes…in fact we were complete opposites. We would constantly butt heads over the smallest things… but when we played a game of bones together it was like none of that mattered. In the hundreds of games we had played I maybe won once or twice by a small margin. But these small wins were enough to keep me coming back for more week after week.

This week had started like all the rest before it. The first two games were close but in the end Nano came out the victor. It was our 3rd or 4th game and it was like the domino gods had smiled upon me. I could do no wrong. I ended up completely decimating Nano for the next 7 games. We were both in shock… I never gloated once and he never said a word… just smiled.

After that game he took me into the garage (his sanctuary) reached into one of his tool cupboards and pulled out a box wrapped in a dirty cloth. He put the box in my hand and proceeded to tell me how proud he was of me and that he was glad he could be around to see me become such a good man. I then unwrapped the box and opened it to find a set of ivory and gold dominoes staring back at me. That was the first and last time in my life that I have cried from being so happy.

Looking back on it I think I knew then why he was giving me the dominoes. I knew he was passing me the patriarchal torch, and I guess we both knew that he didn’t have that long left. I had no idea that those were the last moments that I would get to spend with him though. Nano died 2 days later.

So there ya go … that was the proudest moment of my life… corny I know. But you asked.


  • unlike you, i cry at the drop of a hat and that story did it

    i'm happy for you that you have such sweet memories

    with your FAMILY that you apparently won't share

    i may have to take my stalking elsewhere ... :(

    By Blogger Marilyndrew, at 2:20 PM  

  • damn. so, what's the anniversary date of you and rosey's lovely relationship? :P

    stupid fifth amendment. fuck.

    i asked everyone what their proudest moment was... yours was so sweet. awww, lar... :)

    thanks for playing. i promise... next time i won't do that to you. i'll be nice next time. i was just tired of being nice cuz i knew no one else would play if i asked them the raunchy questions :P hehehe. but i knew you would. oh, i just ♥ you...

    By Blogger grace, at 3:21 PM  

  • What the hell are you doing to me? OMG I seriously almost pissed myself when I read you faux diary entry...and then you turn around and make me cry...damn you Lar...I got to go and get a fucking kleenex now.

    By Blogger Nina, at 8:28 PM  

  • awwww such a sweet story. the first four cracked me up!

    you're playing hnt this week, right? sorry i'm so shallow.

    By Blogger LE, at 9:26 PM  

  • I love your family the more I read of them. Nice "proudest mement" too, I was like "awww!" :)

    By Blogger Minona, at 11:37 PM  

  • well i have the english accent, you wouldn't need the strap on and you'll just have to move here to see if i am super hot ;) as long as you bring your tasty torso with you of course ;)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:34 AM  

  • What could I say that someone else hasn't already said?
    Nothing really.

    Pig's feet cheesecake.
    I think I want to throw up.

    By Blogger Cece, at 8:37 AM  

  • Ditto, Cece :P

    By Blogger Quyen, at 1:29 PM  

  • MM: Im sorry ... I dint mean to make you cry. This is all Graces fault. Damn you Grace! :p

    Grace: Sept.23 1983 twas a glorious day :p

    Ok just as long as you asked everyone else the proudest moment thing. You totally ruined the mood I had goin though.

    Its all good.. You know Im a good sport about that kinda crap. I ♥ you 2

    Nina: Its all fun and games until some one starts crying ;P.. Im sorry Nina.. agian I blame Grace!

    Minona: Thanks...Im accepting applications for anyone that wants to join my family. You might have to relocate to Cali though ;)

    EB: Thank God... I thought Grace was colaborating with you on the strap-on thing. I'll definitly bring my torso with me when I come out that way ;P

    cece: Mmmmm pigs feet cheese cake. I swear its delicious

    Q: DELICIOUS!!! .. Try some you'll like it

    By Blogger Kiss Me Im Italian, at 2:56 PM  

  • HAHA! 1983! holy god. that's funny.

    By Blogger grace, at 8:55 AM  

  • The dominoes story was really touching. The masturbation entry made me laugh.

    The things boys do to be near a hot chick..hee hee.

    5 stars for this entry.

    By Blogger peachy, at 9:52 AM  

  • TEAR...

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